Janto Flu
by Gavvy Wolf-Kidd
Summary: I put this up here at the suggestion of kaseykc . Janto flu is a serious condition affecting Janto fans everywhere. More inside for symptoms and details.
1. An Urgent Message

(Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Torchwood. Also, please do not bust me about this not counting as fanfiction, as it _does_ count- it's fictional, and relates to a fictional TV show)

**Janto Flu**

**This is an urgent message from the TW-NHS.**

A deadly new virus has evolved following the recent BBC series Torchwood: Children of Earth. The virus is not contagious, but has appeared in many of the fans who have watched the series. Many Torchwood fans have reported the following symptoms:

- Nausea at the thought of Gwen going after Jack

- Vomiting whenever Gwen actually _does_ try to go after Jack

- Synchronised cries of 'squee' at fluffy moments between Jack and Ianto

- Smiling whenever Ianto appears onscreen

- Random episodes of horror, disgust and fury during recurring realisations that interviews were misleading when it was stated that Jack/Ianto fans would _like_ Children of Earth

- (Very few have reported) depression after watching Day Four

- Remembering Ianto when you see a stopwatch or a mug of coffee

- Cravings for PROPER coffee as opposed to instant

After careful analysis of those who have reported these symptoms, I have discovered the cause of it: during the episode, "Day Four", of Children of Earth, the 456 released a deadly virus which killed the popular character Ianto Jones, which in turn killed the Janto pairing. This has led many Janto fans to believe that Gwen is going to see this as a chance to go after Jack, which has led to the first two symptoms, although the latter may appear during any episode which is suggestive of Gwack.

There have been many fluffy moments between Jack and Ianto, which have, unsurprisingly, caused the 'squee' cries to become almost perfectly synchronised across the country. This is most likely due to the fact that Jack and Ianto are in a homosexual relationship. It has been pointed out by all fans suffering from the above symptoms are annoyed by the fact that a male/male relationship has ended, thus leaving the space to be filled by a feared male/female relationship, which can be seen in many other television series across the world.

In an interview, a producer of Children of Earth stated the following: "Fans of Jack and Ianto will strongly enjoy this series as it examines how the relationship develops."

This causes the feelings of horror and disgust because the death of Ianto meant that the relationship could _not_ develop if half of the pairing was dead and fury because the statement was so misleading.

Some of the fans have reported depression after seeing Day Four. This has been related to the fact that these particular fans have a history of suffering from bipolar disorder and chronic depression.

After much debate, it has been decided that the best course of treatment is plenty of bed rest, regularly reading fanfiction, Torchwood novels where Ianto is prominently mentioned, and watching episodes where the Janto relationship is accented or regularly mentioned/innuendoed/addressed. Treatment is now being administered to the fans who have reported the symptoms. However, campaigns are running for the cure to be developed.

If you have experienced any of the above symptoms or any others which you feel may be related to this virus, then do not hesitate to review this or contact me via a private message so that I can add your name to the list of sufferers and any of your own symptoms so that I can make the leaflet a little bit more convincing.

Thank you for your time.


	2. The Battle Is Lost

**The Battle Is Lost, But The War Rages Onwards!**

My fellows,

Surely by now you have heard the news? It seems that our dear Ianto has been... replaced! Replaced by none other than Midshipman Alonso Frame (remember from the Doctor Who episode 'Voyage of the Damned'). My dears, the battle is lost, but the war is not yet over! It has only been a short time since our war began with the BBC, and I know that many of you warriors have grown weary and are taking your mourning to the level of acceptance, but I also know that many of you- perhaps you, reading this- are still fighting for Ianto's right to life!

Those, I wish you to continue this battle. Spread the word of Janto Flu, of the Save Coffee Boy campaign, of the Save Ianto Jones website! We shall fight RTD every step of the way, for why would he leave Doctor Who, yet stay with Torchwood? One theory suggests because he has a crush on Russell Tovey (It makes me laugh to think of how _that_ relationship would work :-P), another suggests because he is biased against the Doctor...

I now bring you a Janto Flu update: the condition worsens in the wintertime, for the following reasons:

-The thought that Ianto has missed out on Christmas and New Year's.

-Everybody suffers from a psychological disorder called SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) which leads one to feel depressed and lethargic in certain seasons.

-Jack replacing Ianto with somebody else.

On the other hand, the news that Alonso is perhaps Jack's new interest can be considered quite positive, for the fact that at some point Jack _had_ to be forgiven, and now he has been. We also don't know how much time passed between Day Five and that moment in the bar, and if it had been a substantial period then obviously he would have had numerous one-night-stands in order to try and make himself feel better, although the fact that he was drinking alcohol shows that this clearly did not work. We must also be grateful that Alonso is someone we are familiar with- imagine if it had been someone we _didn't_ know! Admittedly, my heart did break at the thought of Ianto never coming back, but we must be strong!

We shall continue our campaign. We shall fight every obstacle they throw at us! They give us Alonso? We send them more coffee, join and create more campaign groups, develop more strategies! We shall fight them on Twitter, we shall fight them with Royal Mail, we shall fight them on Facebook, MySpace, LiveJournal, the BBC Complaints Page! But we shall never, _ever_ surrender!

-V-^^-V-

In other news, it has been found that one treatment in particular has been working wonders:

.net/s/5301405/1/Children_of_Torchwood_Without_Wax

This is, of course, the novel the two fans were working on the last time we spoke. If anybody is still suffering or is merely curious, then take a look at it (warning: it is very, very long)

Peace out.

Sincerely,

G.W.K.


End file.
